Thursday, August 05, 2004

That's Not (my) Bush!

With apologies to SNL, I present, for your approval...

That's Not Bush

Husband ... Kevin Nealon
Wife ... Julia Sweeney
Announcer ... Phil Hartman

Husband: [eating a cup of yogurt, looking over the newspaper] Mmm. Honey, this is a great candidate.

Wife: That's Not Bush.

Husband: Not Bush? Come on, he sure takes most of Bush's positions.

Wife: That's Not Bush.

Husband: No. Come on, read this position paper on Iraq. Mmm ... Not Bush?

Wife: No, Honey, look ... [holds up campaign literature] That's Not Bush.

Husband: [puzzled] Hmm ... Then, who is he?

Announcer: I'll tell you one thing - That's Not Bush!

Husband: Well, if it isn't Bush, then what did I just vote for?

Announcer: Wouldn't you like to know!

Husband: Yeah. I would.

Announcer: Well ... That's Not Bush!

Husband: Look, I understand that. But what is he? Is he, like, some sort of liberal Democrat? Is he, like, a moderate? A Reagan Democrat?

Announcer: That's Not Bush!

Wife: No, seriously ... my husband has moral objections to certain political positions ... so he really sort of needs to know exactly for what he's voting.

Announcer: Sorry. But all we can tell you is - That's Not Bush!

Husband: Look, I have a right to know what I just voted for!

Announcer: It drives people crazy, trying to figure out the secret to the great That's Not Bush campaign. It's smooth, slick, vague, vitriolic, irrational and at times deceptive ... with a perfectly incoherent and obscure agenda, just like the real Bush. Only, That's Not Bush!

Husband: Alright, come on.. what is he?

Announcer: Actually ... it is Bush.

Husband: [joyful] Really.

Announcer: No. That's Not Bush! That's Not Bush! You'll swear you're voting for Bush, but you're not. He's something else.

Female Voiceover: From the makers of Those Aren't Principles, and That's Not A Constitution.


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